lesson 2: sometimes it's about how you play the game but it has nothing to do with rules

"I'm thinking about another home movie. This one features my older brother and me, playing chess. I'm only two years old in the movie, and unless I am a former child prodigy who's lost all of her prodiginess, I'm pretty sure that I didn't understand the rules."

"But you're playing chess? Not just fiddling around with the pieces?"

"I think two things strike me about this footage. No three. (I can't help but think of the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition sketch).

Where was I? First, my brother's patience with his little sister as I physically crawl onto the chess table to move one of his pieces every so carefully, knocking other pieces onto the ground with my knees. In the film, he looks at me really seriously but with a sweet smirk on his face. As I crawl down he hits the timer seriously and then carefully moves one of my pieces.

The second thing that strikes me is what totally copy cat I was. I sat across from my brother on a chair and I held my fist under my chin, imitating his seriousness. Somehow getting the game.

The third thing, that only just occurred to me, is that my dad filmed this so beautifully. Brought out this cheesy play in both my brother and me.

I still wonder who had the joyous absurdity to engage a two year old in chess."

"Why is this important?"

"I think that it reminds me of my brother's beautiful character. That even at the age of 11, he played so well with me by somehow understanding that he couldn't be too rigid with the rules. It reminds me of the relationship I once had with him that has changed over time.

And it reminds me that I shouldn't be critical of process and the right way of doing things in terms of a legalistic view of the world, in terms of judging things too quickly.

To just enjoy things for what they are and be present in the moment for all of its humor and all of its play."