lesson 27: why do birds, suddenly appear, every time you are near?

"Bet you screamed."

"Maybe. A little."

"How'd they get in?"

"I had a fireplace, didn't close the closey thingy."

"Thanks for using the technical term. I do believe that is called the damper."

"You're just showing off. Plus it is pretty obvious you just looked up the answer on the internet."

"Wait a minute. I think we're changing roles here. Let's go back to me being the only antagonistic one."

"Fine."

"So, about the bird..."

"Yeah well, I was feeling all independent and happy about my new fantastic apartment. It was fabulous, beautiful high ceilings, not a symmetrical room in the place, plus all of the floors were slightly crooked. It was great. I loved that place..."

"Riiight. The birds?"

"Yeah I got home and there were three birds flying frantically all over the apartment, knocking things over... Pretty panicked. I just scared them more. I was so afraid that they would hurt themselves, plus they were pooping on things."

"As you do."

"Thanks. Well, after opening all of my windows and attempting to encourage them out..."

"How exactly did you do this?"

"Oh I waved a table cloth around."

"Ah, the bullfighter approach."

"Yeah well. I was actually really freaked out. The table cloth spent more time on my head to avoid getting beaned by a bird. Despite my desire to deal with the situation myself, I ended up calling my boyfriend at the time, who took care of it for me."

"I'm so disappointed in you."

"I tried!"

"You mean by freaking out and locking yourself in your bathroom with your phone."

"Shht."

"What, are you trying to do, hide the truth?"

"No, well, yes, well..."

"I can seen that you were really establishing your independence and strength as a woman."

"Hmph... I 'd like to see you get them out."

"I'm fic-tion-al. Remember?"

"Um. Yeah."

"What is the lesson exactly?"

"It's hard to catch birds inside your apartment."

"Thanks. Useful."

"You're welcome."